Without getting into detail, I realized last night that it's a very difficult transition going from constant Dr. appointments, ultra sounds, blood work, injections, retrievals, transfers, waiting for results, crazy hormones, back to NORMAL life. The past month or so was so consumed by everything IVF, that now that it's over and I'm not pregnant, I'm left with NEEDING my life to go back to normal. I didn't realize just how difficult that would be.
I feel a little lost. I feel like I haven't seen "normal" in so long, that I almost have to learn again what it means to just enjoy life and be the wife my husband deserves. He was so wonderful through all of this. So patient. So forgiving of my sometimes, ahem, frequent unpleasant and crazy emotional moods. He's still being more patient than I deserve him to be. I know this isn't easy on him either, and I know he's feeling that I've disconnected myself from him in some ways.
Because of this, I now know FOR SURE, without a doubt, that there is no possible way for me to do my 2nd IVF in July. I need to focus on "us". I need to get back to being the person that I used to be, before all of this. I need to make sure he doesn't doubt how absolutely crazy I am about him, and how much I love and adore him. I could never imagine living my life without him by my side, and I really need to make sure he knows, and more importantly, believes that. I need to SHOW him. As we all know, actions speak louder than words. We already have a great marriage, but I want it to be better than great! :)
As far as all things baby-making go, I have my appointment with my RE on June 6 to discuss everything and to talk about what's next. My clinic only does IVF cycles 4 times a year, so my options are July or October. I'm going to push for October. I'm just hoping she doesn't try to convince me to go with July because of my age. I just don't think a few months should make much of a difference, so I'm optimistic that she'll be ok with October.
5 comments:
(hugs) It sounds like you have a wonderful reason to wait until October, and hopefully your Dr. respects that decision. It would be foolish on her part for a family to sacrifice their marriage in order to bring a baby in.
My husband and I have taken several breaks over the past three years in order to focus on us and recover after failed cycles, emotional breakdowns, hormonal rages, etc. It takes a HUGE toll on even the healthiest of relationships. I'm so glad you and your DH are going to take a little break and rekindle that feeling of normalcy=)
Waiting is always hard, especially when you feel your ovaries ticking like a clock counting down. I wish you all the best and think you are a very strong woman=) Sending you lots of sticky babydust!
I'm sorry about your BFN. You should take your time, IVF is a lot on you. I'm also having trouble remembering what normal is.
I'm hoping your RE goes with your timeline. I think your reasons for preferring October are completely understandable. I've so been feeling the same way of trying to transition back into normalcy after an unsuccessful IVF... it's day by day.
I think it is great that you are taking your time and spending time with your husband. This whole IVF has put a little strain on my marriage, so I wold do the same thing. Chloe is so cute...I look over to the right and just want to hug your little cat. Actually...kind of random but how do you make those beautiful blankets without Chloe attacking it! :)
Hugs..
you are...simply...an amazing woman...do NOT ever forget that! :) we all get it and totally relate to how you're feeling and know what you are going through...take this time to nurture you and your hubby...get some spice back, play together...just .."be"...celebrate each other and soon enough your celebration for adding to your family will be here sooner than you think! we love you!
Post a Comment