Feeling...H A P P Y!

I don't know if it's because I'm losing weight and finally beating my demon, or if it's because Sean got a great job that he really wanted, or if it's because there's finally some light at the end of our dark tunnel....but these days I'm feeling pretty, freaking fantastic!

I'm feeling motivated.
I'm feeling positive.
I'm feeling HAPPY!

It's been a while since I've truly felt happy.

I love my husband with everything that I am, I love my parents for being there with unending and unconditional love and support, and I'm eternally grateful for my small circle of friends that are always there with an open ear and a shoulder to cry on.

Even with all of that, happiness seemed like such a difficult thing for me to grasp. I'm sure it had a lot to do with the stress we've had and all the depression and anxiety that comes along with losing your business and your home. But, we made it through...and I'm a stronger person because of it.

I want a baby more than ever. I feel like it's happening for everyone around me, which is wonderful for them. I'm truly happy for them, as I would NEVER wish for anyone to have to feel the sadness of not being able to carry their own child, or for a wife not to be able to give that gift to her husband.

I just have such a hard time visualizing it happening for me. I flip flop constantly in my mind about whether or not I want to pursue adoption. I flip flop in my mind about whether or not I want to try other medical options.

I'm finally for the first time in my life getting healthy, and maybe I need to see what nature might do. Maybe dropping the weight and getting my sugar levels and insulin levels normal will help. Anyways....time will tell.